How To Save A Life
by xxOnlyCaskettxx
Summary: Morgan's thoughts on Emily's death. He blames himself and doesn't know what he could have done to stop the tragic loss.


**How To Save A Life**

**Prompt: How To Save A Life- The Fray**

May 2011

**Step one: you say you need to talk.  
>He walks, you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk."<br>He smiles politely back at you.  
>You stare politely right on through some sort of window to your right.<br>As he goes left, and you stay right between the lines of fear and blame.**

Morgan sat in Hotch's office. Strauss wanted Hotch to do grief counseling. He couldn't believe Emily was gone. He blamed himself because he could have gotten to her sooner.

"Sixty seconds. If I had just gotten there sixty seconds earlier, Emily might still be with us." Morgan whispered.

"Derek, you know that you did everything you could."

"Yeah, yeah. I did everything I could. We all did. I know. But that's supposed to make me feel better?" Morgan raised his voice. He didn't know how Hotch could be so calm about all of this.

"You protected each other for years. Don't expect this to just disappear. Just because you were the last one there, doesn't mean you could affect the outcome. We all wish we had that kind of control." Hotch stated, trying to calm the younger man down.

"So what, do we just knock it up to fate? What, I can't blame anybody? What, this is the work of God? No. I do blame somebody. I blame Doyle. Hotch, what am I supposed to do? She was my friend. I lost my friend right in front of me. And I'm supposed to go on like nothing happened?" Morgan said, on the verge of tears.

He couldn't just pretend nothing happened. Something did happen. He lost his best friend and there was nothing he could do to save her.

Where did he go wrong? What could he have done differently? He did everything he possibly could. He held her hand. He told her there was hope, that she was going to get through it. He tried to get her to talk to him before all this happened. He noticed something was different with her. He rode in the ambulance with her. He told her everything would be okay. Boy, was he wrong.

**You begin to wonder why you came.  
>Where did I go wrong?<br>I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.  
>And I would have stayed up with you all night,<br>Had I known how to save a life.**

April 2011

He didn't know what he would find when he entered the warehouse. He rushed in and shot Doyle's men with his silencer on. He rushed into a back room alone. Doyle was gone, but Emily was lying on the floor with a wooden stake in her stomach.

"It's me. I'm right here. You're gonna be alright. Stay with me."

"Let me go." Emily whispered, her voice raspy and barely audible.

"No, no. I am not letting you go." Morgan paused, grabbing Emily's hand. "Listen to me. I know why you did all of this. I know what you did for Declan and I'm so proud of you because you are my friend and you are my partner."

Emily closed her eyes and Morgan feared the worst. "No, Emily. Stay with me. If you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

Morgan felt her grip tighten on his hand. "Yes, there you go. Baby, just keep squeezing."

Morgan was in tears when she grasped his hand tighter. Morgan was hoping she wouldn't be taken away. The medics finally came and were helping Emily into the ambulance. Morgan sat in the ambulance with her and held her hand. He still couldn't believe this was happening.

**Let him know that you know best.  
>After all, you do know best.<br>Try to slip past his defense without granting innocence.  
>Lay down a list of what is wrong.<br>The things you've told him all along.  
>And pray to God he hears you.<strong>

The team sat in the waiting room. They were all eager and nervous to hear Emily's condition. They hoped she would be fine and they could speak to her.

JJ walked into the waiting room, crying. Everyone's eyes were on her and they knew it wasn't good news.

"She didn't even make it off the table." JJ choked out.

Reid quickly stood up to go see Emily. JJ held him back and Morgan heard him say, "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Garcia was crying hysterically and Morgan tried to comfort her. Eventually, he stood up. He had to get his anger out somehow. He wanted to punch the wall, but he didn't need a broken hand.

May 2011

**As he begins to raise his voice,  
>You lower your and grant him one last choice.<br>Drive until you lose the road,  
>Or break with the ones you've followed.<br>He will do one of two things.  
>He will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same.<br>And you'll begin to wonder why you came.**

"Derek. I'm not saying nothing happened. You lost your friend and partner. You two were very close. You don't have to pretend nothing happened. You just need to know that it's okay to express you feelings and talk about them."

"I know that, Hotch. I hate that this happened to her. She was my best friend. I could talk to her about anything. Ugh... I hate Doyle. I hate that she kept her past a secret from us. We could have helped her. We could have stopped all of this. We wouldn't be here right now. I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong. I noticed a change in her. She wouldn't tell me and I let it go. I could have questioned her more. But I didn't. I tried to keep her with us when she was in that warehouse. Nothing worked. I tried to save her, but I lost a friend."

**Where did I go wrong?  
>I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.<br>And I would have stayed up with you all night,  
>Had I known how to save a life.<strong>


End file.
